Comebacks are rare and often painful to watch. Earlier this year, a 20-year-old Jennifer Capriati struggled to get back on the women’s tennis circuit. In interviews, she seemed ready to move beyond the shoplifting charges and marijuana bust that had transformed her from a 14-year-old with six-figure endorsements to what one writer described as “the poster child for a sport gone astray.” But in June, Capriati withdrew from Wimbledon, saying she “wasn’t ready.” Injuries have sidelined her much of the time since then.
What turns magic into mediocrity? Sports psychologists say the single most important factor is the attitude of significant adults in a young athlete’s life. Sean McCann, who works with the U.S. Olympic Committee, says “child centered” families fare far worse than those that are “family centered.” In a child-centered family, the star athlete gets all the attention. Everything else–the parents’ marriage, siblings–is secondary. Young athletes struggle to win to please their parents–not because of their personal ambition. Says Shane Murphy, a sports psychologist in Connecticut who has worked with Olympians: “I can’t even count how many athletes have come into my office and said, “Look, I’m doing it, but I hate it. My parents have invested $80,000, and they want me to do it for a few more years’.”
The key is helping youngsters develop their own drive. If children have special talent, parents should encourage them to practice, researchers say. But they should also know when to back off. “It’s very natural for parents to identify with their children and want them to do well,” says Ronald Smith, a psychologist at the University of Washington. “The danger occurs when the parent begins to live through the child.”
Parents need to adjust their behavior for each stage of a child’s development, psychologists say. With children under 10, concentrate on making sure kids learn basic skills like throwing and catching. Parents can also be role models, showing their offspring how much they enjoy sports. “If you don’t build a good base of fun and enjoyment first, you’re at a much higher risk for producing a kid who has burnout issues,” says McCann.
Often it is during adolescence when parental pressure can produce burnout. The stakes are growing. A star athlete can win a lucrative college scholarship. And the hormones have kicked in–teenagers are acutely sensitive about how they are perceived by others; no one wants to be thought of as a loser. Parents can help by stressing the specifics of performance over results, says Murphy. On a bad day, focus on something positive, such as how a youngster has improved a particular skill rather than just the score.
During high school, parents have to accept a new authority figure in their son or daughter’s life: the coach. That means letting the coach take charge while still making sure that the relationship between coach and player is not too stressful. A good coach can make a huge difference in whether a kid stays with a sport or decides to drop out. “You have coaches who scream and coaches who are warm and fuzzy,” says McCann, “and both can produce teams that win. But the coaches who are entirely negative have kids who don’t play next year.”
By the time prodigies reach their late teens, they are on their own; parents can only hope that they’ve provided a good foundation. When basketball star Kobe Bryant announced this June that he would bypass college and go straight to the NBA, his father, Joe, supported his controversial decision. The elder Bryant had spent eight years in the NBA, and watched his son’s passion for the sport develop. “I remember the first day he came to me and my wife and said he wanted to be a basketball player,” Joe Bryant recalls. Kobe was 3. “All we could do was say, “You can do whatever you want as long as you work at it.’ And that’s what he did.” Because of injuries, Kobe hasn’t played much this year with the L.A. Lakers. It helps to be able to share his frustrations with his father, who, after all, is still raising an 18-year-old. “I give him hugs to let him know it’s OK and it will get better,” says Joe Bryant. “This is the way the game is played.” The game of love.
