It may still be possible to rebuild a relationship after infidelity and find love—even if you truly believe that you or your partner never experienced true love in the first place. You could claim that cheating doesn’t necessarily mean you never loved someone, although it might mean you don’t respect or honor them.
This isn’t to say that the person being cheated on deserves it. Even if someone is neglectful, there are always better ways for the other person to address it. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.
Attachment anxiety refers to someone who develops increased levels of fear the closer they get to someone—often as a result of a traumatic childhood. People with high levels of attachment anxiety may be more likely cheat. [8] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
This isn’t to say that this is a healthy way to deal with pain. Being stressed out, scared, or feeling bad about yourself is not a good reason to cheat on someone.
People fall in and out of love all the time. Even if something went wrong or someone made a mistake, you could theoretically say that love existed before the infidelity, and after the infidelity, even if it wasn’t there in the moment. [11] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 30 September 2021. There’s some good evidence that it’s possible for someone to love more than one person at the same time. [12] X Research source This is what polyamorous people experience (although cheating isn’t polyamory and vice versa). [13] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
This process is different for everyone. Some couples find it easy to come to an understanding, take ownership for past indiscretions, and start over stronger than ever. For other couples, it can take years for the healing process to take place.
This can be true for the person who cheated, as well. Some people lash out at their partner and cheat intentionally to “get back at them” because they’re mad and they feel like they’ve been pushed to the brink. For these cheaters, it can be hard to let go of all that anger.
A lot of the perceived differences between genders and cheating likely comes down to who is willing to admit it. It’s likely that men are just more likely to acknowledge the fact that they’ve cheated. [21] X Research source
If you’re in a relationship where infidelity has occurred, don’t assume they don’t feel guilt. You can never know what’s in someone’s heart, and even if they claim to not feel guilty about it, they’re likely just trying to excuse their own behavior.
