A successful FWB requires that all parties involved take frequent stock of their emotions, needs, and expectations. While some folks can talk daily without getting emotionally attached, other people may find it hard not to become attached unless they minimize interactions. Is it bad if you get attached? Not necessarily: there are plenty of couples who go from a no-strings-attached relationship to a committed romance. But it’s also very common for one party in a FWB scenario to become attached—while the other doesn’t. Essentially, FWB is emotional Russian roulette.
In fact, going into a FWB relationship blindly assuming it will be easier than a serious partnership is likely to make it even messier!
If you and your sex pal weren’t really friends before hooking up, it’s best to keep it that way: don’t mix your friend groups, don’t hang out outside of your hookups, and only speak when you’re meeting up to do the devil’s dance. Communicate with your FWB just how often you plan to interact, and be realistic about the future: if a FWB relationship goes according to plan, you will have no (romantic) future together.
When you’re hooking up with a good friend, prioritize friendship over sex. Hanging out just to hook up may convey that sex has become the priority, so regular non-sexual hangs might be essential to maintaining the friendship after you’ve stopped sleeping together. [5] X Research source Once you’ve entered the FWB realm, set strict boundaries with your bud about how often you can interact (and about what). [6] X Research source Some close friends can easily add sex to their relationship without it affecting the friendship. For others, sex can blur the lines between a friendship and a committed relationship. That being said, if you’re considering starting up a casual relationship with a close friend or someone you share a social circle with, think long and hard about that. (Tinder exists for a reason. )
While regularly hanging out with your significant other is a priority (and you would likely be hurt if they didn’t want to), in a FWB situation, there should be no pressure to see one another more often than either of you is comfortable with.
Set ground rules with your FWB regarding what you can and cannot talk about. It’s not inherently wrong to rely on your FWB for emotional support, but ask yourself at what point emotional reliance (plus sex) turns into a relationship.
It’s common to develop romantic feelings after you’ve begun hooking up with someone, even if you weren’t interested before. But do yourself a favor and don’t try to make a FWB relationship happen with someone you know you’d like to date—it’s bound to backfire. [10] X Research source If your FWB has developed romantic feelings, be gentle and don’t judge them—but stop hooking up.
Just as it’s not uncommon for a friendship to become a FWB relationship, it’s also not unheard of for friends with benefits to stop having sex and just be friends.
Signs your FWB might be playing games are if they text you a lot and then ghost for a while, or if they seem to be going out of their way to give you a little attention every day. A FWB who’s playing games might also overshare about their other hookups or their love life with the seeming intent to make you jealous.
All relationships, whether committed or casual, require respect, tact, and forthrightness. Even if your FWB doesn’t think talking every day is a big deal, if they’re a good FWB, they’ll understand and respect your concerns.
Some emotional reliance isn’t necessarily a red flag, especially if you were already close friends prior to hooking up. But if you’re overly reliant on your FWB or vice versa, it’s definitely time to have a conversation about boundaries to ensure neither of you gets hurt. Again, some FWB situations do evolve into committed relationships, but you should never count on this. Keep checking in with your friend and with yourself to ensure you’re both on the same page.
It might be really fun to do these things with your FWB. After all, you like them—that’s why you’re hooking up! But ask yourself if you’re using your FWB as a stand-in for a real relationship. If so, you could be in danger of getting too emotionally involved in a romance that isn’t meant to last.
If you and your FWB were already close friends, being physically affectionate outside of sex may not be a big deal. Still, it’s worth checking in with them to make sure it’s all platonic.
In the same vein, do you feel compelled to share your plans with your FWB when they don’t involve them, as you might when you’re in a committed relationship? That could be a sign you’re overly involved with your FWB.
It’s fine for FWB to see multiple people at once, as long as they are up front with one another about it (and as long as they stay on top of their STI testing).
Set ground rules regarding your preferred communication style: text only? No hangouts? Once a week? Once a month? Every day? Whatever makes you both feel comfortable is the right answer. Remember that your needs may shift again over time. You and your FWB will likely need to check in with one another regularly throughout your relationship to ensure you’re both on the same page and neither of you is feeling uncomfortable or getting emotionally attached. “Hey Dan, I’m really enjoying our situation, but I wanted to check and see how everything is going just to make sure we’re still on the same page. " “Hi Martha! Just wanted to check in with you re: our FWB situation. Maybe brunch tomorrow?” “Hey Jo, you up for a chat? Just feels like we’ve been talking a lot more lately, so I wanted to reach out and see where you’re at with this whole FWB thing! I really care about our friendship, so I want to make sure that’s protected at all costs. "
